


Pipe Dream

by Cerillen



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 18:50:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18762304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: Following a dream can be a heavy weight to bear.Sometimes, it's just easier to let that weight go and move on without it.No matter how much it hurts to do so.





	Pipe Dream

Thomas had always loved creating stories.

Ever since he was small, he’d create all sorts of amazing worlds and characters.

Adventures and escapades filled with fantastical ideas of magic and love and hope and excitement.

He adored every single thing he came up with.

Every world, every power, every hero, and every villain.

And when he read his first chapter book, he made a decision.

He was going to write books filled with all of his stories.

And share them with the world.

So that everyone else could enjoy them too.

He got to work immediately.

He worked tirelessly on his first book.

Spending hours and days and weeks and months and years working on the story and the characters and the world and the writing.

Until five years had passed.

And it was finally finished.

He was older now.

A little wiser.

A little broken.

But he was so proud of himself when he finished it.

His first book.

Created and finished when he was only twelve.

It brought him more happiness than anything had in his life.

He cried and shouted and danced and sang with the joy of it.

He’d done what he’d always said he’d do.

He’d accomplished his goal, his dream.

All of the time and effort and anger and tears had been worth it.

Until he tried to publish it.

And had to reread it first.

He’d read it before.

Of course he had.

But he’d never really read it with the intent of criticizing it for editing and publishing purposes.

And he realized then, as he read through it all from the beginning to the end, that it hadn’t been worth it after all.

He’d failed.

Everything he’d been so proud of was suddenly an embarrassment instead.

This magnificent story he’d worked so hard on.

Was nothing more than a child’s exaggerated fantasy.

It was a disappointment.

But, despite that, he decided to keep trying to follow his dream.

It was a heavy weight to bear.

Years and years went by with him struggling to improve and work towards his dream.

His stories grew more intricate and well thought out.

His characters had more depth and personality.

His writing became more eloquent and stylized.

But he never got back that confidence and pride he’d had as a child.

Nothing was ever good enough.

No matter how hard he tried.

It never seemed to be enough.

And the weight on his shoulders only grew heavier as the years passed.

He, like his writing, changed over time.

In the beginning, he was Patton.

Young and naïve, but smarter and stronger than he seemed.

Filled with light and hope and a sureness that he never found within himself again.

Then he became Virgil.

Scared and angry and filled with so much hatred.

Nothing was good enough and everything was too much to handle.

Then he turned into Logan.

Struggling to remain emotionless as he tried to find logic in his life.

Still angry and scared, but no longer willing to let anyone close enough to notice.

Then he was Roman.

Confident to the point of seeming arrogant as he pushed himself to ignore his own fears and follow his dreams.

Faltering as he found himself still somehow lacking.

He became Deceit then.

Lying to himself and everybody who met him so that nobody would notice how much that weight was pushing him down.

Until he finally fell from the pressure.

And the truth was forced out of him.

And he was, finally, just Thomas.

A normal, simple, person who’d had a dream that didn’t work out.

Just like everybody else.

And now, I find myself here, writing this last story.

Because dreams can be fantastic.

But they can also be horribly heavy.

And I don’t think I can handle carrying that weight anymore.

So I’m here to say goodbye.

Not to life as a whole.

But to this old and worn out dream of mine.

And to everybody out there who saw that dream and encouraged me to keep carrying it.

To you, who’s reading this now.

To whomever read all of those stories I wrote and created.

To those magnificent worlds that will never be seen by anyone other than me.

And to that weight that always rested heavily on my shoulders.

It’s been a long and worn out struggle.

But it’s also been a beautiful one.

I’m proud of everything I’ve done.

Of the craziness of the Boop War.

Of the beauty in everyone’s realms of the mindscape.

Of the tears created by Virgil’s dedicated actions.

Of the happiness caused by Loki’s and Thor’s bond.

Of every single story I lovingly crafted and let out into the world.

Even if they will never be finished.

I’m still proud of the things I managed to show you all.

And I want to thank you all for the kind words you gave me.

For reading my work and finding the same magnificence I always saw.

I also want to apologize.

For leaving it all unfinished.

But I’ve been struggling for so long.

And I’m not sure if I’m ever going to succeed with following this dream I’ve had.

I’m not sure I’m good enough to do so.

So I’m giving up now.

Dropping that old weight and taking on a new one that’s far lighter.

But also far less warm and bright.

Because people don’t always get happy endings.

Stories don’t either.

And some stories don’t even end at all.

Some stories, no matter how hard you work on them and how much you love them, are simply abandoned halfway through.

Just like mine.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the perspective of Thomas because I found it a fitting way to get my message across to you all.  
> This is my goodbye.  
> It's been a wild ride.  
> With all of the stories I've written and created.  
> I'm sorry I couldn't finish them all for you guys.  
> I really did want to.  
> But this weight is finally a bit too heavy for me to carry by myself.  
> It's time to give in and stop struggling so hard with something so unreachable to me.  
> I don't really want to give up on it.  
> This is truly the one thing that brought me the most joy.  
> But I can't handle anymore disappointment in myself.  
> I'm still not good enough.  
> And I don't think I ever will be.  
> So I'm done now.  
> And I'm ending it with one last message to you all.  
> Not every story has a happy ending.  
> Only you can truly make it happy.  
> And even then, it's always a struggle.  
> So be strong for yourself.  
> For that seemingly unreachable happy ending.  
> Even if I gave up, remember that you're not me.  
> You can always keep trying.  
> Carry that weight until you finally reach your goal.  
> And the weight becomes nothing more than a reminder of the struggle you went thru.  
> And the obstacle you got past.  
> Not every story has a happy ending.  
> But a lot of them do.  
> Thank you for all of the encouragement and love for my stories you all gave me.  
> For reading my work and seeing what I've always wanted to share with people.  
> For believing in me.  
> Goodbye.  
> (Hiki-greeting/hello)


End file.
